We all have barely any time to do what we want to do. We have parties to go to, brunches to eat and, of course, the thing we all have to do- work. Ugh. Work sucks. I know. Blink 182 said this and they’re right. But we all have to get it done.
But what happens at the time when we HAVE to have a Starbucks? “I can’t just skip work but I need a Starbucks or I’ll melt into the ground.” Well, I know how to solve all your problems.
When you go into a Starbucks, DON’T put your phone down. You’ve done it! Keep talking on the phone while you’re in line, no matter how quickly the barista is going through it, starting people’s drinks for a faster out time. When you get up to the register, continue talking on the phone. Don’t just stop talking to tell the barista your order. They should understand your dismissive hand motions as a grande, half-caff, two pump vanilla, soy, no foam latte with an extra shot. And if they continue to ask what you had, just shoot them an angry look. You are working here! They’ll shut up.
After they ring you up, look at the total. DO NOT let the cashier tell you what the total is and push you. Decide which credit card you want to use and then, only using one hand, as to not stop this very important conversation for one second, get the credit card out and hand it to the cashier. Remember: the person on the other end cannot wait. Get the credit card back and then ask for a bag for your yogurt by wrinkling your nose and holding your hand in a fist toward the cashier. Make sure to never speak a word to the cashier.
Now that you’ve ordered your drink, quite quickly, I might add, let’s wait for it! Go away from the bar so that you don’t hear anything and you can really get back into that business call. You weren’t a 100% at the register and, boy, that’s annoying. Get invested in the call, but do set a personal timer of about 10 minutes. Make sure not to listen for anything else while on the phone, for that is distracting. After your 10 minute timer goes off, realize that you don’t have your drink yet and this is unacceptable! You are working here! This will be very hard to do, but once you get back to the bar, whisper to the barista that you are waiting for a latte and it should be done by now. They will probably ask you if it’s the half-caff, triple, grande, two pump vanilla, soy, no foam latte, but you should check because if they didn’t let you know, they might have the drink wrong. Ask them again if it’s the grande, half-caff, two pump vanilla, soy, no foam latte with an extra shot. They will say yes and then give them a look as if to say, “Finally!” to let them know you are in a hurry and they should help you. Be careful, because when you pick up the cup, it will be hot, so, without looking around for it, mime asking where the sleeve for the cup is. Do this by picking up the cup and lightly lifting the cup up and down. The barista should understand you are asking for the thing that you put around the cup to make it cooler and indicate that they are right next to you, but will hesitate before reluctantly handing you the sleeve. Then pretend to stick something in the lid of the cup until they give you that green stopper so you don’t spill it on yourself while walking outside. I mean, you’re not gonna drink it until you get to the office anyway. You are working here!